Posts tagged relationships

The Disappointment of Happily Ever After

Dear World,

It has been a long long while! I thought I could become a blogger, but clearly I thought wrong. However, I’m going to give it another go. Why? Part boredom, part loneliness, part desire to rant.  I’m not really sure why, but here goes…

So much has happened since 2009.  SO MUCH.  Almost too much.

Events in order: 1. we got a dog, 2. we bought a house in suburbia in another part of the state, 3. Yuppie Husband got a new job in the new city, 4. Yuppie Husband had to start the new job a month before we were set to move, 5. I found out I was pregnant, 6. we celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary, 7. we moved, 8. we had a baby girl, 9. we celebrated our two-year anniversary, 10. our baby girl is now 5 months old.

And through all that, emotions in order: 1. giddy and exploding with love, 2. excited and looking forward to nesting, 3. happy for Yuppie Husband and new opportunities, 4. sad to be apart from Yuppie Husband but happy for some time to myself, 5. unsure and nervous, 6. tired and awful, 7. tired and stressed, 8. tired and empty, 9. tired and emotionless, 10. sad and happy.

If you look at the list of events, everything is trucking along just wonderfully.  In the Game of Life, we could win.  But if you look at the list of emotions, what happened??? Shouldn’t the whole list just be happy happy nauseous happy? That’s what I had thought…I was supposed to be happy. I AM supposed to be happy. But I wasn’t, and I’m not.

Nobody tells you what it’s really going to be like. The already sugar-coated truth is further fantasized, romanticized, dramatized – and we naive young women, not knowing any better, crave sugar, fantasy, romance and drama, and set up fairytale expectations for our lives. And many of us learn the hard way: nothing sets you up for disappointment better than dreams of happily ever after.

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Mother-in-Law Nightmare

My mother-in-law is a nightmare: literally!  I had an awful dream about her last night, how she was snappy and mean to me! 

In real life, she’s fine.  I wouldn’t say a dream mother-in-law, but pleasant enough.

I think this stemmed from a conversation I had with her last week.  I had met up with her and my sister-in-law for lunch, and my mother-in-law felt the need to remind me that my husband, HER son, works very hard, and that I need to take good care of him.  She proceeded to grill me about whether or not I’ve been cooking, what I’ve been cooking, if he gets enough to eat, if he’s healthy, etc.  She was decently pleasant about it, albeit incredibly annoying.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!! is what I was thinking in my head as I smiled politely back at her…

How do all you wives out there deal with your in-laws?

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I Am Not a Morning Person, But I Love Being Married.

Although I generally found that the transition between engaged to married was a bit anti-climactic, I do love being married.  There are tons of reasons, many of them similar to why all you wives out there love being married, but I wanted to share 2 husband-specific reasons. =)

1.  I am not a morning person.  I am usually cranky and irritable.  It is best if you do not speak to me unless spoken to.  Even bringing me breakfast if I’m not in the mood is not always appreciated, although I will hide my annoyance and say thank you.  Yuppie Husband definitely knows this.  He teases me about getting up on the wrong side of the bed, and constantly reminds me to get up on the right side.  So, he has taken to creating obstacles to force me to get up on the “right” side.  The first morning this happened, I was so confused – why was there a chair and laundry basket lined up on the left side of the bed?  Sometimes it is an open night stand drawer followed by a laundry basket.  Usually, a laundry basket (empty) is involved.  Among the millions of other things Yuppie Husband does actively to try to express his love, it is this simple indirect act (perhaps one of self-preservation!), that I love.  Why?  It shows me that he accepts me for my flaws, and can joke about them, but that he also wants to help me be happy and better myself always – for my sake, for his sake, and for the sake of our relationship.  And it’s just super cute.

2.  Again, I am not a morning person.  If I have nothing to get up for, I won’t.  I hate getting up early, and will wait until the last possible second.  I snooze the alarms, and can even sometimes sleep through them.  But Yuppie Husband knows that sometimes I do have morning appointments, and when I do, he will always re-set the alarm for my wake up time after he leaves, and follow-up with a phone call to make sure I got up in time.  My own personal wake-up call service. =)

What sweet husband-specific things about marriage do you love?  Please share!

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My Favorite Everyday Life Guide Books

 These are some of my favorite life “how to” books – helpful guides to every day living!

  1. Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Book: The Essential Guide to Caring for Everything in Your Home by Martha Stewart – I LOVE this book. It came out before I was married, and even though I did not yet have a home to keep, Yuppie Husband bought it for me. It teaches you how to do everything! My favorite lesson: how to fold fitted sheets.
  2. Emily Post’s Etiquette by Peggy Post – I am a stickler for etiquette. I ♥ etiquette. Social etiquette has been seriously lacking, and I find it be so frustrating! I wish I could just pass this book out to everyone, but I know most people wouldn’t bother opening it.  Let’s bring proper etiquette back!
  3. The Wedding Book: The Big Book for Your Big Day by Mindy Weiss – This book is the go to book when it comes to planning a wedding.  It includes time lines, templates, etiquette, guidance, etc.  It’s written in a way that is easy to read and comprehend.  A must for brides, bridesmaids, mothers and planners!
  4. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman – The concept of love languages is something that is easy to understand and makes logical sense, but can be so hard to effect in a relationship!  Through my own experiences with Yuppie Husband and through listening to countless girlfriends’ gripes and complaints about their relationships, I have come to realize that at the heart of many issues troubling loving, committed couples the feeling of not being “loved” enough.  This book explores how people give and receive love in different languages, and the key is to identify and understand the languages of you and your partner.
  5. The Bible – The best of all.  Enough said. =)

What are some of your favorite guide books for living life?  Please share!

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An Anxious Heart

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. (Proverbs, 12:25)

I have the type of personality that dwells on things – everything – to the point where sometimes I can’t sleep at night, and I’m up late just…dwelling.  Small setbacks or issues make me anxious, and I’m frequently in a Chicken-Little-Sky-Is-Falling state of mind.  I constantly try to remind myself that worrying does not accomplish anything, that I need to let it go.  Usually, worrying and dwelling only ends up hurting myself, and keeps me from enjoying life to the fullest.  This week, I was taught this lesson. 

A close friend of mine just gave birth to her first child over the weekend.  She was on bed rest for a month, and I really wanted to make sure I called her often.  In this past week, I was extremely stressed out about an obstacle I’d hit, and although there wasn’t anything I could do about it, I just could not stop thinking about it.  Day and night.  I knew my friend was coming off bed rest and could give birth anytime, so I made a mental note to call her.  Each day passed, and at the end of the day, I would remember that I had forgotten to call her, again.   One day, I promised myself I would call her the next day, but when I got home that night, I saw an email that her water broke earlier that day.  I had missed the chance to talk to her one last time before her life would change forever.

Now, I know in the grand scheme of things, this really isn’t a big deal, but, I really feel like I was taught 2 big lessons from this small incident. 

  1. I cannot let my worrying, anxiousness, dwelling and overall negative “glass half empty” attitude keep me from doing the things that really matter.
  2. Do not put off friends and family until tomorrow!

25Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:25-27)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm 55:22)

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Well, I work, too!

Probably the thing I hate most about being a housewife is the loss of leverage in fighting with Yuppie Husband.  I am new housewife, and a sometimes lazy one, so no, the house is not always clean and the dishes sometimes wait in the sink for Yuppie Husband to come home.  When I was working, I always had “Well, I work, too!” to fall back on.  These days, I really don’t have much of an excuse. 

However, I hate it, absolutely despise it, when Yuppie Husband pulls out “I work all week, make money for us and all you do is sleep in and do nothing all day.”  It just simply isn’t true.  I do a lot during the day.  I might not always be doing the chores of a typical “housewife”, but I certainly am occupying my time somehow.  I can see his point, but still…I resent it.  I am not a live-in maid, I am not a hired chef, I am not a laundromat.  Plus, our current living situation is temporary, as we search for a suitable house to move in to.  What is the point of cooking, cleaning, maintaining this temporary apartment???  In any case, yes, I suppose I need to step up and become a better housewife. 

But, why does society so dramatically discount the role of a housewife?  Why does being the breadwinner earn so much respect, but a housewife is “just a housewife”?  Isn’t cooking, cleaning, laundry, scheduling just as, if not more, difficult?  What about gift-buying and card-sending for birthdays and holidays?  Home decoration, closet organization, photo storage and archival?  The list goes on!  There are so many random little things that need to be done around the house, and half the time husbands don’t seem to know or care where anything is or should be!  Running a household seems very much like running a small office.  Not a small undertaking!

Again, maybe I should go back to work…

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Grass is Greener Girl

Dear Readers,

Welcome to my blog and first post!  I hope you enjoy my random musings and adventures as I explore my new life as a yuppie housewife. 

How did I get here?  Being the good little Asian girl that I am, I pleased my parents, studied hard and got good grades, went to college and on to grad school, and instead of choosing the fun life of being a professional student, found a high-paying job in an infamous skyscraper in an infamous city skyline.  While I did enjoy the professional satisfaction corporate America had to offer, I spent my days dreaming of my true career aspiration: being a housewife. Lazy days at home, cooking, cleaning, watching Oprah and Martha Stewart, home decorating…what a great life!

When I met my now-husband, that dream started to realize.  Husband was fine with me not having a “career”, and encouraged me to find something I loved instead.  So, we got married, I left my job, and I now spend my time keeping house and cultivating my hobbies.  I’m one of the lucky ones – a loving, supportive husband, and the freedom to flit and float about until I find my true calling.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am certainly not against women having professional careers, and I certainly don’t plan to spend all day every day sitting at home cooking and cleaning.  I do plan to have a “career” of some sort, though likely not in the corporate world.  A life as a Lady of Leisure would be nice, but that unfortunately requires other Ladies of Leisure friends! =P

Thus far, being a “housewife” has been wonderful.  There really aren’t that many house chores each day, so I mostly spend my time researching, scrapbooking, bugging Yuppie Husband at work… =P  Yesterday, though, I experienced my first bout of crazed boredom.  I was busy all day with laundry and much-needed spring cleaning.  Yuppie Husband came home early and brought work with him to do while watching the Lakers game.  There he was, sitting on the couch, half-watching and half-working, and there I was, sitting on the couch, checking my e-mail AGAIN, reading various design and wedding blogs AGAIN, checking my facebook AGAIN.  0 new e-mails, 0 new posts, 0 new fb updates.  It dawned on me: I was BORED.  I literally had nothing to do, and that can be a very maddening state of being. 

So, maybe the yuppie in me will always be there, nudging me to pursue corporate America success.   Maybe housewife life really isn’t for me.  Maybe eventually my boredom and society’s concept of success will push me back into the office.  Maybe once I get there, I will long for housewife days gone by. 

In the end, I’m just a grass-is-greener girl, exploring the crossover territory of yuppie to housewife.

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