Posts tagged reflections

The Disappointment of Happily Ever After

Dear World,

It has been a long long while! I thought I could become a blogger, but clearly I thought wrong. However, I’m going to give it another go. Why? Part boredom, part loneliness, part desire to rant.  I’m not really sure why, but here goes…

So much has happened since 2009.  SO MUCH.  Almost too much.

Events in order: 1. we got a dog, 2. we bought a house in suburbia in another part of the state, 3. Yuppie Husband got a new job in the new city, 4. Yuppie Husband had to start the new job a month before we were set to move, 5. I found out I was pregnant, 6. we celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary, 7. we moved, 8. we had a baby girl, 9. we celebrated our two-year anniversary, 10. our baby girl is now 5 months old.

And through all that, emotions in order: 1. giddy and exploding with love, 2. excited and looking forward to nesting, 3. happy for Yuppie Husband and new opportunities, 4. sad to be apart from Yuppie Husband but happy for some time to myself, 5. unsure and nervous, 6. tired and awful, 7. tired and stressed, 8. tired and empty, 9. tired and emotionless, 10. sad and happy.

If you look at the list of events, everything is trucking along just wonderfully.  In the Game of Life, we could win.  But if you look at the list of emotions, what happened??? Shouldn’t the whole list just be happy happy nauseous happy? That’s what I had thought…I was supposed to be happy. I AM supposed to be happy. But I wasn’t, and I’m not.

Nobody tells you what it’s really going to be like. The already sugar-coated truth is further fantasized, romanticized, dramatized – and we naive young women, not knowing any better, crave sugar, fantasy, romance and drama, and set up fairytale expectations for our lives. And many of us learn the hard way: nothing sets you up for disappointment better than dreams of happily ever after.


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Mother-in-Law Nightmare

My mother-in-law is a nightmare: literally!  I had an awful dream about her last night, how she was snappy and mean to me! 

In real life, she’s fine.  I wouldn’t say a dream mother-in-law, but pleasant enough.

I think this stemmed from a conversation I had with her last week.  I had met up with her and my sister-in-law for lunch, and my mother-in-law felt the need to remind me that my husband, HER son, works very hard, and that I need to take good care of him.  She proceeded to grill me about whether or not I’ve been cooking, what I’ve been cooking, if he gets enough to eat, if he’s healthy, etc.  She was decently pleasant about it, albeit incredibly annoying.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!! is what I was thinking in my head as I smiled politely back at her…

How do all you wives out there deal with your in-laws?

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(Sorry readers, just feel like ranting today…)

#1  Why am I always always doing laundry?  I just can’t understand how it piles up the way it does!  Before I got married, I probably only had to do laundry once every 2 or 3 weeks, but now, I’m doing 3 loads at a time once a week!  It could be partially due to the fact that the laundry machines in our building are tiny, but I really think it’s the boxers, the socks, the undershirts, the T-shirts, the smelly gym clothes…  As women, I think we just have less (and smaller) items that need to be changed daily!  I think I would be much less frustrated if the washer and dryer were right here in our apartment, but sadly, they are not.  We have one communal set of machines on our floor, so I have to drag the dirty laundry, the detergent/bleach/softener/etc, laundry card and house keys with me.  Not to mention the fact that I can’t control the cycle, soaking, extra rinsing, etc.  What a pain.

#2  Yuppie Husband is pretty active (gym, sports, etc), and I have never, until having to do his laundry, encountered such horrid smells.  His gym clothes are literally still wet when I take them out of the hamper to wash, and I always have to hold my breath.  I have asked him to air his clothes out before throwing them in, but I’m not sure that is helping…  Do any of you ladies out there have a similar problem?  How do you deal with it?

#3  Dishes.  Why are there always dishes?  I used to be a firm believer that dishes should never be left in the sink for more than half a day, and certainly never overnight.  But now?  Always dishes.  Our sink is also kind of small, and doesn’t have one of the detachable faucets, so washing larger items can be a little messy…

Being a housewife is hard.  Not that I should be complaining – at least I don’t have to work!

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Idle Hands

You know the saying “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop/playground/etc”?  I think I have come to know the meaning of that phrase.

Lately, I have been BORED with a capital B-O-R-E-D.  I spend my time watching TV and on the computer.  And that is pretty much it for the day.  I have big ideas about things I’d like to do around the community, but when it comes to motivation, I am seriously lacking.  I know I should be more productive, but instead, I just burrow deeper and deeper into solitude.  Boredom seems to lead only to more boredom.  And so then I think housewife life must not be for me.  I should get a job!  And then I won’t be bored anymore!  But, when I was working, I was tied down and miserable.  Clearly, job or not, this is not the problem.

And today I realized that my boredom has led to feelings of emptiness and loneliness.  This is strange since my weekend has been filled with activity and people.  But again, it is very clear that the problem is not with my external circumstances (job, friends, activities, family, etc) but with my inner self.  I haven’t been making God a priority in my life.    With all this time on my hands, I should be spending my time reading the Word, praying, developing a deeper personal relationship with Him.  Only He can fill our hearts with the joy that we desire!

I keep waiting, putting my life on hold for the next step.  I won’t be bored when _________.  I’ll have tons of things to do when __________.  Life will be great when ___________.  When when when!  But, every day I spend in anticipation of something better is another day wasted that could have been great. 

My life resolution is to try to live life to its fullest.  And that may still mean days at home watching TV and on the computer, but I hope I’ll love it and enjoy those nice breaks.  I hope to go out for walks, and simply appreciate the sky, the ground, the ability to walk!  I hope to greet Yuppie Husband with kisses and smiles when he gets home, instead of dejection and self pity.  I hope to wake each morning with peaceful dreams from the night and high hopes for the day.  I hope to live in the light of the Lord, and walk in the path of righteousness.  I hope to embrace my life, obstacles and all.

And I sincerely hope the same for all of you out there!  God bless!

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Color Color Color

I love this post by Alison at Hairline Fracture!

I’ve been really obsessed with colors lately.  Certain colors out in “nature” (aka urban sprawl!) just POP out at me, and it just reminds me of how beautiful life is.  Seems to be the perfect way to describe personalities, feelings, emotions.

I think lately I’ve definitely been in a pensive, melancholy state – like a dark cerulean blue.  Is that who I am?  I used to be more of a deep cerise – outgoing, loud, silly, crazy.  Or is that who I really am?  People evolve and mature, so it would make sense that our colors would change, too.  What color do I want to be?  I think carolina blue would  be nice – peaceful, bright, cheerful, calm. 

What color represents you?  Head over to Hairline Fracture and share!  Please post a link in my comments, as well!

Here’s a list of colors to help you out!

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To tweet or not to tweet?  That is the question!

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An Anxious Heart

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. (Proverbs, 12:25)

I have the type of personality that dwells on things – everything – to the point where sometimes I can’t sleep at night, and I’m up late just…dwelling.  Small setbacks or issues make me anxious, and I’m frequently in a Chicken-Little-Sky-Is-Falling state of mind.  I constantly try to remind myself that worrying does not accomplish anything, that I need to let it go.  Usually, worrying and dwelling only ends up hurting myself, and keeps me from enjoying life to the fullest.  This week, I was taught this lesson. 

A close friend of mine just gave birth to her first child over the weekend.  She was on bed rest for a month, and I really wanted to make sure I called her often.  In this past week, I was extremely stressed out about an obstacle I’d hit, and although there wasn’t anything I could do about it, I just could not stop thinking about it.  Day and night.  I knew my friend was coming off bed rest and could give birth anytime, so I made a mental note to call her.  Each day passed, and at the end of the day, I would remember that I had forgotten to call her, again.   One day, I promised myself I would call her the next day, but when I got home that night, I saw an email that her water broke earlier that day.  I had missed the chance to talk to her one last time before her life would change forever.

Now, I know in the grand scheme of things, this really isn’t a big deal, but, I really feel like I was taught 2 big lessons from this small incident. 

  1. I cannot let my worrying, anxiousness, dwelling and overall negative “glass half empty” attitude keep me from doing the things that really matter.
  2. Do not put off friends and family until tomorrow!

25Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:25-27)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm 55:22)

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